Thursday, 1 October 2009

The October List

The October List

Send a letter to the editor – Done, I’ve written about an article published in this issue about donating wedding dresses to Uganda.

Log on to

Catch up with the Marie Claire Blogs

Enter the “Win The Ultimate VIP Party” competition
I’ve done this – maybe this will be my lucky month? I get finger ache typing my details into all these bloody competition forms. Surely I’m due for a win soon!

Watch this face: Carey Mulligan.
Apparently she is in a Brit film called The Education this autumn. If you want to come watch it with me drop me a line.

Fashion: Recreate as many of the below as far as my budget will allow.

Camel Coats:
I’ve just bought a holiday to Egypt – how very apt

Fabulous Fuchsia – give your wardrobe an injection of zing with shocking pink. Team with black and lashings of attitude:
This is great as I bought a limited edition London Fashion Week dress from FCUK in bright pink on the advice of Marie Claire last month. It looks ace and is bright pink woohoo.

Mix and Match Print:
This looks wonderful on the model, on my it would look like I had vomited on myself.

Buckle Up: “Striking and detailed, a fabulous belt will keep you elegantly wasted.”
I’ve just invested in a cool thin studded waist belt from ASOS. This not only sorts out October’s belt suggestion but also September and Augusts’ obsession with studs. With my snakeskin Kurt Geiger shoobs, baggy vest and skinny jeans - I may have an outfit that fits with this rock trend that seems to be emerging. Ooh it’s all coming together now!

Absolute ASOS: Justify your ASOS Love
See above! It also urges you to buy a Stephen Webster Mosquito ring. These aid the charity Malaria No More and as weird as it seems having a mozzy on your finger – it’s a brilliant ring. However it’s £50 so I may have to wait until next pay day.

Shoes That Make You Go Ooh. Look well-heeled in flashy, fluorescent footwear:
Oh dear, another ambiguous description “flashy, fluorescent” I’m going to get tied up in knots with what line a shoe has to cross to become flashy – and then also what line of brightness the shoe has to be to be fluorescent. Because fluorescent isn’t neon or is it? The shoes on the page don’t look neon – they just look bright.. God – It’s already starting. I may have to ignore this one for my own sanity.

What to wear for the weekend. Get your wardrobe ready for some R&R with these key casual pieces:
These Key pieces are various stripy sleved tops ranging from £30 - £260. So in essence, what Marie Claire is saying is.. buy a stripy jumper. Best thing about this… Is they suggest wearing them with some flat leather biker style boots, so I get to wear these some more! They also suggest carrying around a small dog (well in the picture anyhow.) Thus far husband has banned me from having a mini sausage dog – This may give my argument a bit more clout.

The chunky knit: Textured knits are everywhere this season and are a great alternative to the traditional coat.
Living in Northern England it would make sense for me to follow this trend and buy up all the thermal leggings and chunky sweaters I can. Only problem is that Husband has a mental block when it comes to doing the washing and tends to boil wash wool with repetitive gusto. So I doubt anything I will buy now would last through to winter.

On the very next page, after offering a traditional alternative to the coat…there is the Dress down coat! Whether it’s a parker a duffle or a Puffa (seriously – a puffa?! ) We all need a cosy shrug on coat hanging by the door:
Seriously – a PUFFA?

Luxurious Leather. Sexy and Sassy and fabulously tactile (And bloody expensive), this season’s leather pieces scream glam rock.
I need to get real here. Unless I get a hand me down, I can’t afford any fashionable leather items that I might not be wearing next year.

Sweeping Statements. From full-on sparkle at Moschino to giant gems at Lavin. The catwalks’ bold necklaces are big news this season.
I love these big necklaces, I want one that I can wear on my holiday on the beach like in the girls in adverts for Ibiza clubbing albums.

Glam Grunge. Fierce fashion is creating a strong impression this season. But ensure you keep it feminine with sexy tailored pieces, high heels and gorgeous glossy make-up:
Cool – I’ve just bought a black dress with zip details from FCUK as the basis for some “Glam Grunge”. I really need to go out more to wear some of these frocks! also used the discount code in Marie C for 20% of at FCUK so that’s a winner!

The 80’s are back. (Again – yawn) But this time round, shapes are more daring than ever: Does anyone else not think that the 80’s was one large fashion mistake the first time round?

Easy Street: Embrace this season’s laid back elegance in relaxed modern tailoring.

Lost Weekend: Fall in love with autumns romantic chiffon and chunky knits. I’d love to, but I can’t find a chiffon dress for love nor money at the moment!

The Extra Factor: Bold and beautiful style-statement accessories add “wow” to any outfit.


Dark dramatic eyes – follow the 5 different ways to achieve this look. (This includes “Power brows” which quite honestly scares the shit out of me. Who ever found someone attractive due to their “Power Brows”?)
There is a step by step video on line on how to do this at

My Space – Book your bathroom for a 5* pampering session.
This article is all about recreating spa worthy results at home – but the prices of some of the products that Marie C is saying to use are more than an actual spar weekend (Including dinner!) on lat So it doesn’t seem worth it to me.
There is one that seems affordable – the “Purifying Complexion Facial”, which when I read through – is actually just washing your face.

There are 4 massages to try which I am sure Husband can help me with, and 3 types of bath soak which I will try to make rather than buy as they are all around £20. There is also the suggestion of taking a cold bath straight after a hot bath to prevent water retention. I wonder if the beauty editor actually does this – or sits at home cackling at the thought of thousands of gullible sods like me sitting in cold baths with blue toes and heroic nipple erections?

6 teas to try in my home spa are as follows:
Stress = Green Tea
Insomnia = Wu Yi Oolong Tea
Weight Loss = Pu erh tea (Big in Hollywood apparently)
Problem Skin = Dr Stuart’s Skin Purify
Water Retention = Green Tea
Anti Aging = Green Tea (Dragon Well Green Tea is strongest on the market)

Bobbi Brown are doing free make up lessons in John Lewis and Selfridges.

Book a Giorgio Armarni make-up class in Selfridges. On the index page it says this is free – but when you get to the article you realise it’s actually £30 redeemable against products… sneaky! - I called to book and they had sold out.

How to look expensive – sexy shimmer. Maybe I can take this page down to Bobbi Brown and they can teach me how to do it!

Post a question to the Beauty editors at – I posted more of a plea rather than a question about my perm.

Recreate Kim Basinger’s hair in LA confidential. That should be fun and take me about 3 days to do 

Use cushions to bring different looks into a room. (mix and match)

The best way to bring light into a room is to paint floorboards off white. In Manchester, it’s also the best way to make a room drop a few degrees in temperature.

Scented Candles are very personal and add atmosphere.

Chandeliers spread light into a room. Customise them with coloured glass paint.

Cook Jayne Middlemiss’ 3 course meal

Cook the 2 butternut squash recipes on the Fairy dishwasher tablets advertorial.

5 things I must not miss
Mercury Prize - too late – I missed it, but I’m very annoyed the wonderful Florence and the Machine didn’t win!

High Street Fashion week – I missed this too. This is the problem having mags cover dated the month after they are published.

Harvest at Jimmy’s
I actually got tickets to this! But it’s a 6 hour drive so gave them away because logistically we couldn’t manage it that weekend.

Jane Austin Festival – missed this too – um not doing too well so far!

Breast Cancer Awareness month – Phew this is firmly in October between the 1st and 31st. Wear it pink on the 30th of October, I can manage that.

Media – When it comes to what to watch and listen to, I’m only going to concentrated on the featured items. Otherwise I would be permanently in front of the TV.

Featured Film on the Month: The Soloist, drop me a line if you want to come see it with me.

Album on the month: Pixie Lott, Turn it up.

TV Program of the Month: Small Island BBC 1

Local auctions can be a treasure trove for furniture. Use Sand paper for a distressed look.

Read Year of the Flood or Juliet Naked – I’m still reading Dorian Grey from August so I need to get a move on!

There is an article in Octobers issue about a shop that provides wedding dresses to refugee women in Uganda. This is the first article I’ve read in the magazine that has solidified a massive lump in my throat and inspired me to do something truly worth while. I’m going to donate my dress to Jireh women which is an organisation collecting dresses for a shop in Kitgum, northern Uganda and for a second shop in Kampala.

What you can do to boost your fertility:
1.Check your Fertility
Marie C suggests buying a £179 fertility test which tests the hormone levels and quality and quantity of eggs in your ovaries. I would think that this is something you would do if you don’t get caught after a little while, but I suppose there is no harm in a 21 day blood test with the GP to check my hormone levels anyway.

2. Ask Mum
“If your mother had her menopause in her 40’s, it’s likely you will do the same” hmmm I’m absolutely sure that she didn’t, because over the past year my mum has embarked upon a flushing, forgetful emotional rollercoaster of a personality which kind of makes me think the menopause beast may be up on her now.

3. Stop Smoking.
Women who smoke go through the menopause 2 years earlier than those who don’t.
I have a about 3 cigs every 3 weeks when they accidentally fall into my mouth after a few glasses of wine. So I shouldn’t think these would be knocking years off my fertility.

4. Cut out trans-fats
So for the whole of October I need to look for “Hydrogenated Vegetable Fat” on food labels.

5. Get a (fertility friendly) life.
This means maintaining a healthy weight, cutting back on sugar and refined carbs. Eating more fibre, take daily exercise and eat one serving of full fat dairy a day.

Visit and make a donation. This is a charity that provides wigs to those who have suffered medical hair-loss.

Follow the rules of making friends
Apparently, no matter how many friends you have there is always room in your life for more. Do you want to be my new friend? If so contact me at and we can work through this bizarre magazine article together. I thought friendship was something natural, but apparently not.

5 ways to enrich your love life
1. Sort out your finances. Money is the most common cause of conflict, but don’t let it ruin sex. (Umm how can money ruin sex – what sort of couple goes to bed with their bank statements?) Getting back in the black can lead to great foreplay. (I’m sure there is a dirty innuendo there!)

2. Feel rich by having more sex. A US study has found that increasing intercourse from monthly to once a week brings the equivalent happiness of an additional £30k income. Yes – maybe so – but it won’t get me the heroically overpriced leather jackets you keep slapping all over your mag pages will it?!

3. Teach your man how to give you a G spot massage. Read Female Ejaculation and the G Spot by Deborah Sundahl. Who dares me to read this in the canteen at work?

4. Slip on a pair of socks. Bizarrely, research shows that 80% of women that wear socks in bed are able to climax, versus 50% with naked feet. Well I’ll be climaxing on my own then will I – Husband will be about as turned on as disconnected tap.

5. Get a taste of the high life with Oysters and Champagne.
Oh dear no! Last time we tried this it was an EPIC fail as Betty would put it. Rather than creating an air of sexual tension and romance, Husband knocked back an oyster and then immediately flobbed it back up into the sink like a giant greeny. It was about as sexy as a naked Margaret Thatcher on a cold day. They look like massive bogies in shells! Maybe we can cook them and smoother them in some sort of sauce for this!

Dove Advertorial
4 weeks to Party Perfect Arms

Week One – Prepare to bare your underarms by using Dove Hair Minimising Anti-perspirant

Week 2 – “Get into shape with regular work outs: Half an hour of aerobic and half and hour of resistance exercise is ideal.”

Week 3 – Exfoliate Daily from head to toe but don’t be too zealous.

Week 4 – Apply some fake tan to you’re your new, super-smooth skin and you’re ready to wow.

Enter the competition on

The Stargazer suggests you demand lots of space this month. Claustrophobic feelings are looming. Rather than pulling the pin on a promising twosome , make your misgivings known a colleague or lover may need time out too.