Time to shut my vintage face - Can lipstick really turn back time?

One to the Machine

One of my friend's recently told me to "shut my vintage face". This was because I was probably mouthing off at him covered in red lipstick, with a nice black smear down the side of my face where I've forgotten I'm wearing liquid eyeliner and rubbed my eyes. I love the vintage makeup look, the classic black eyeliner flick and ruby red lips. I have for years tried to get it right, but one thing has always bothered me. It's not that I don't suit red lipstick as such, but I do think it makes me look older. This may be down to the fact I'm slightly colour blind so frequently mistaking film star red for middle age spread red, but there is something about it that just doesn't quite 100% work on my head.

Now, for the record, I don't care about that and will continue to leave big cliche red kiss marks all over my son and friends and family when they come within 10 paces, but I have been looking forward to sitting down with a makeup artist and seeing if a change of colour really can make me look that much fresher and younger.

Usually when I go to makeup counters I stick to my 2 faithfuls, MAC and Bare Minerals. They both have a track record of not making me look like a drag artist, unlike the likes of Benefit who seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to paint your face orange, then send them out into the street to be stared at by the general public. This time however, I decided to give Chanel a go.

As per usual, I was slightly freaked out by the amount of makeup that the girls on the counter were wearing. I've always marvelled at how on a makeup counter, one human can possibly wear about 80% of the products on sale and their face not be weighed down and dragging along the floor. Chanel was a less is more kind of woman so I was hoping her representatives would apply this theory to my face.

Luckily for me the makeup artist actually did a lovely job. She understood my brief of "I'm on my lunch break, so need to keep it light" and then spent some time looking through the lipsticks to find a more youthful shade than bright orange (which is what I went for the last time I bought a lippy). She clocked on to the fact I was into vintage this and that, and commendably (but I clocked what she was up to) worked into her sales patter that the shade I was veering towards looked very "antique".

The result.. I LOVE it - Rouge Coco Shine in 42 Biarritz, which I though she was calling Beirut (Derelicte anyone?) until I got it back to the office. It does look fresher and younger than my usual darker red so this one is to the Machine. Changing the shade of your lipstick may actually give the illusion of turning back a wee bit of time.. right time to stop waffling and shut my Antique face.

Creme Divine

I waddled passed l'occitane last week after lunch and wine with my lovely friend Emma, our other halves and our babies. After 9 months off the source, Em and I are a cheap date. So cheap in fact that when we spied the free wine in L'occitane to tempt people off the street, we promptly parked the babies and other halves outside and sauntered in pretending to be interested in some lavender soap or whatever.
There was a product that did catch my eye however. This Creme Divine has seemingly been getting a fair amount of attention for being an anti ageing must have. It's around £60 a pot so I asked for a sample to see what the fuss is about. One thing that I have noticed is that it doesn't contain an SPF which u thought would be the starting block for any anti ageing cream. I'm going to slap it on tonight and let it work it's magic. But if in the morning I don't wake up looking like Scarlet Johansen, I won't be forking out £60 for a pot of what may just be yet another face cream.



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THE RESULT
The cream smelled really nice, much like all the products from this brand. It also left a good base for applying makeup. But as this is a multi purpose anti aging cream I wanted to see the results after a nights sleep.
I can't say there was a marked difference in the morning. It wasn't negative, I didn't have any blotches or a breakout. But I didn't wake up thinking "WOW I have to go spend £60 on this... I bloody well look like a film star!!". To add a little salt to this wound, I went to see my dad who promptly told me I looked knackered.
The day after though, I saw my mum for the first time in a week and she commented that my skin was looking nice. It may have been something to do with the cream, but I think it's more likely the fact I'd had a golden 9 hours sleep that night which may just be a record for the past year. So in conclusion. It's a nice cream, but it's not £60 nice... I wouldn't even say it was £20 nice to be honest.

2.Get Enough Sleep

“Get enough sleep” After nearly a year of parenthood, this bit of advice feels like a joke. I long for enough sleep, so much so that on the rare occasions (as in about 5 nights In the past year) where I have had 8 hours solid sleep, the next day I’m practically bouncing off the walls and foaming at the mouth.

It’s no news to me that sleep is akin to staying fresh and young. Since losing my precious sleep my eyesight has worsened a fair bit gaining me a slightly lazy left eye, permanent dark circles and eye bags and specs which I pretty much wear all the time as my eyes are tired. I look knackered, because I AM knackered.

On becoming a parent you are instantly engulfed in a world of sleep promises not too dissimilar to the quick fix promises of the diet industry.
Wander into any parenting section of a book shop and there is row after row of books promising parents the gift of sleep if they follow some programme devised to coerce your little one into some sort of adult circadian rhythm. I’ve tried most methods which all would lead to one of 2 results; either throwing the baby or the book in the bin. So the books have gone.

Luckily, 9 nights out of 10 our nights are now going undisturbed, it’s a good job because as you stand at the front door pressing the button on your car keyfob wandering why the door isn’t unlocking, you start to really question if you should be allowed out of the house at all. Even more so now I’m back at work.

So you would think early nights are something I can now enjoy again? I wish it was that easy, there are a few obstacles standing in the way of me and my lovely comfy bed.

The First is my house. It needs keeping on top of, so evenings include at least a few chores.

Then there are my chickens. I got pissed and answered a twitter appeal to find homes for ex battery hens. When I sobered up the next day I realised I had to follow it through. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Britney, Witney and Winehouse – they are my girls but they not quite sure what it is to be a chicken. I didn’t realise that chickens actually have a bedtime and when it goes dark, they take themselves off to bed. However, because mine are still learning the ways of the chicken, I have to go out at night with a torch gathering them up from where they have fallen asleep and putting them in their bed.

Lastly there is cutting out sugar, which means I have to bake my own bread and make my own yoghurt. If I don’t get the bread on as soon as I get in, I’m up until midnight wandering around in a daze waiting for the bread maker to beep.

When you have a few precious hours a day dedicated to doing exactly what you want to do (like writing a blog), bedtimes manage t get pushed back. But this has to change. So from now on I will be aiming to go to bed between 10 and 11 every night.

This article from the American sleep foundation talks about “Sleep Debt”, based on this I need to go to bed for a year. It also outlines steps to take for a healthier sleep pattern:

• Establish consistent sleep and wake schedules, even on weekends
• Create a regular, relaxing bedtime routine such as soaking in a hot bath or listening to soothing music – begin an hour or more before the time you expect to fall asleep
• Create a sleep-conducive environment that is dark, quiet, comfortable and cool
• Sleep on a comfortable mattress and pillows
• Use your bedroom only for sleep and sex (keep "sleep stealers" out of the bedroom – avoid watching TV, using a computer or reading in bed)
• Finish eating at least 2-3 hours before your regular bedtime
• Exercise regularly during the day or at least a few hours before bedtime
• Avoid caffeine and alcohol products close to bedtime and give up smoking


So I’ll be putting this into practice from now on and seeing what sort of difference it makes. Night all! x

I've had the "Camilla face-lift"! - Telegraph

I've had the "Camilla face-lift"! - Telegraph

Number 8 - Wear Tinted Moisturiser

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Have you recovered from the horror of the pictures above? Good. I know I shouldn't inflict my bed head on you without warning but I have to get you to come read the blog somehow.

I've been drinking my 2 (or nearly 2) litres of water now for a couple of weeks. This has been fairly uneventful apart from when I decided to wear a jump suit. For those who don't own a jump suit, getting in and out of it, especially when drunk is not too dissimilar from an escapologist trying to escape from a straight jacket. The more you need a wee, the more you panic and the harder it is to escape. Then when your flailing arms finally break free and drop it to your ankles, you find yourself more or less naked on the loo. This always feels completely wrong in a public toilet.

On the upside, my skin has completely cleared up. I don't have a single spot at the moment. This doesn't make me look younger - if I wanted to pass for 16 then a bit of acne would probably help. But I don't think I've knocked any years off the clock so far.

But what is that you see on my lip? Is that not some crustation due to not putting healthy stuff in my system? No dear reader, that, is where I managed to smack myself in the face with a picture frame. A picture frame I was holding so had full contol of. Why? Because by now you may have reached the deserving conclusion that I am a bit of an idiot.

Anyhow, back to the topic in hand. These are the before and after pics of applying Oil of Olay Total effects (apparently combatting the 7 signs of aging) touch of foundation moisturiser.

The savvy among you may notice that..... you can't tell which is the before and after pic. I still look pretty knackered in both photos. I don't think it helps that holding my camera phone at a slighty different angle manages to radically change the lighting in my bathroom.

The bottom picture is before the moisturise and the top is after. To give Oil of Olay some credit, in the flesh it does even out the skin tone and add some much needed warmth without looking like I've trowled it on. It's perfect for a busy morning when I'm trying to reduce the "I look like crapometer" from 10 to about a 6. But as far as combatting 7 signs of aging the jury is out, because as you can see I just look like I may have had an extra 15 minutes in bed.