Friday, 26 June 2009

Hippo Girl

It’s beautiful outside today, the sun is beating down in Manchester and the whole of Spinningfield’s workforce seems to have gathered around the giant screen, drinking beer and watching Wimbledon on their lunch hour.

But there is a downside to this lovely weather. It’s raining in Glasto (Poor Scouse), Michael Jackson has abruptly corked it (Poor nutty fans) and I’m having a mega mega fat day (Poor F”%king me!) .

This morning I put on a little summer dress that I bought last year and haven’t worn for ages. Walking past the glass buildings in Spinningfields at lunch, the memories of why reflected back and kicked me in the face. I look like a well dressed hippo. I have what Scouse calls “Turbo arm” and canckles.

I thought that I looked nice when I left the house, but what I always forget is that the false pose I hold in front of the mirror at home, is a far cry from my none concentrating, actually me that every one else sees reflection.

When I’m tramping through town in flats I can’t walk in, neck stuck out in the direction of the mission I’m on, the reality is a lot different to being stood up straight with my funny mirror pouty face. For years I was under the false impression that this was the reality. It’s only as I’ve got older that I’ve realised I don’t float around as an image of demure composure, more stomp about scowling throwing in the occasional trip up a curb for good measure.

Feeling like I do today is when I usually turn to glossys for the “answer”, resolve that I am going to completely overhaul my life, not do it, then feel crap. So I’ve found myself really looking forward to July today. Because this time, not only have I made the decision, I’ve done it publically and will look like a prize turd if I don’t carry it out.

I’ve now got everything I need apart from a bold towel and beaded bangle. Both of which I will buy on the net today. Lodger and Blondie have agreed to help me with the interval training, Scouse is spending some quality time with me being violated with a hose, I’ve booked my Laser treatment and hocus pocus food intolerance test with George and died my feet orange in my practice tanning. Oh, and I practiced eating celery today, and still firmly believe it should be reclassified from a vegetable to a toxic substance.