Friday, 7 August 2009

The Shoob Saga

I’ve been getting tied up with terminology (again) when trying to recreate the fashion stories in Augusts’ issue of Marie Claire. This reached a crescendo yesterday, when I finally decided which boots fell into the “Biker” category and after 3 weeks of looking, which pair I was going to buy. I had fully justified the cost to myself and any one else that would listen …..and then found that all my size had run out. My poor colleague at work had been tied up in my boot mission as I hadn’t shut up about it all afternoon. She ended up calling the Kurt Geiger hotline for me as I think she was worried I may run and jump off the balcony to face my death on the mezzanine floor if my size couldn’t be located.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t successful. So she had to endure me turning my monitor around every 10 minutes, repeatedly asking “What about these?”. By the end of lunch, I fear the only boots she would have approved, were ones that would fit in my mouth and shut me up.

The boot saga started mid July when I had started to prepare for August. The issue advises buying some strappy Shoe-boots because they are apparently essential to every woman’s life this season. The definition of Shoe-Boot bothered me though. I couldn’t decide where a strappy sandal ended and strappy shoe boot began.

I trawled the shops and the internet, just getting more and more confused as to what I was looking for and worrying about accidently buying a sandal. On one particular shopping trip, Blondie came with me to help me decide. We both ended up tottering around Selfridges in various styles with our work trousers rolled up, still not quite defining the criteria of a “Shoob”. When I absconded the poor shop assistant, pleading with him to tell me if the efforts I had on my feet were either a sandal or a shoe boot, he backed away slightly and told me that he thought they were a shoe boot. I think he was just telling me what I wanted to hear so I would leave him and his shiny shop floor in peace.

On closer inspection in the mirror however, I thought the pair in question were more shoey than booty, so left empty handed. I was comforted in the knowledge that even the shop assistants struggle with the differences. However, the stress must have overcome me, because by the time I had got back to work, I’d developed a rash on both arms that looked like meningitis. This day was the day I ended up in A&E until 8pm thinking I might not have any limbs left to attached these bloody Shoobs to if my bloods came back positive.

Luckily, my prayers were answered when I discovered these amazing Carvella snakeskin strapy shoobs in the online Kurt Geiger sale. I think there is no denying that these are strappy, shoey and booty. I can’t walk in them, but lets face it, with shoes like that – walking is a secondary consideration to just making your feet look fantastical.

My second definition battle was, as mentioned the “Biker boot”. So I had a little meeting with my colleague over the desk on her views of what made a boot “Biker”. Her answer was confidently simple… Buckles.

I’ve scoured the net and shops over the past few weeks, trying to decide on 2 things. Firstly, how much money I was prepared to spend on these boots, and secondly what colour. Yesterday I made my decision. I was prepared to pay £90 maximum and I wanted them in brown.

This decision it seems, was too late, because not only had the Kurt Keiger ones sold out nationwide in a 7, so had the next 2 pairs that I liked too. If you haven’t guessed already, I hate parting with my money unless I’m sure I’m getting the best possible price, and I whatever I am buying I will get my wear out of. This is known in popular terms as being tight. It’s also possibly why, my wardrobe slowly turned from young and funky, to “will do for home and work” and frumpy over the last 4 years! So to make myself feel better, I’m rebranding shopping as “Investing”. Justifying all purchases as an investment into not looking and feeling like frump.

So at lunch today, I decided to venture out again on my boot quest. I went to the local department store that has concessions from all the major footwear retailers to compare brown boots with buckles.

Being built like a Purple Ronnie cartoon has its advantages and disadvantages when it comes to footwear. My legs look good in strappy sandals, but I make most boots look like baggy wellies. I was getting increasingly frustrated in the shop, managing to make most of the beautiful boots look like I was going carp fishing.

Then something caught my eye. Nestled in the size 7 sale rack, that is always notably smaller than any other size every time, were the grey boots in the picture (that’s boots, not strappy shoe boots). I know they are grey, not brown but they will go with most of my stuff. I also think they may border on a cowboy boot, but then who said a cowboy couldn’t ride a motor bike? Who makes up these rules?! They have a buckle… so job done!

I’m going to wear the snakeskin shoobs tonight to a boat party, they make me about 8 foot 3. if you are passing Manchester ship canal tonight and see an Amazonian looking female with a mixed look of pain and pride on her face – give us a wave.