Wednesday, 2 September 2009

The September List

Letter to the Editor
I’ve already written this and got a response! I didn’t win letter of the month though booo!

Enter the Luxury weekend in New York Competitions – Done
Enter the Paul Edmunds Cut and Colour Comp – Done
Enter professional make over comp – Done

Join the “Have you ever cried at work” debate at
I’ve had jobs where it seemed that all I did was cry at work! I think I cry generally about having to work rather than about specifics within the work place.

Catch up with Katy Reagan’s dating Blog
Book Club book

Log on to for “Staycation ideas”

Online sites
Log on to to discover a more targeted way of giving to charity
This looks great. I have a friend who shall be known only as “Dog Boy” - you know who you are! He has the unenviable job of being a street based fundraiser.. in London. Where people aren’t nice to the people they know and see everyday let alone people or animals they don’t know or can’t wear. seems to appeal to all those people Dog Boy meets in the street that uses the excuse of that they want 100% of their donation going to the charity and not a proportion going on his wages. Next time you get this Dog Boy – make them sign up to Kiva.Org on your I-phone there and then to teach them a lesson!

Log on to for free preview tickets for Julie and Julia - this has sold out unless I want to go and see it in Staines… which I don’t! So will have to do this earlier next month.

“Watch this face” – Relating to actress Charlotte Riley, so I need to watch something with her face in it.

Cook Gizzi Erskine’s menu for a dinner party, whilst wearing a little black dress and playing Gizzi’s playlist.
J-bob and L-bob have agreed to by my dinner party guests for this, largely because on one of my many trips to the bob’s for tea a few weeks ago, J-bob highlighted that in the past 10 years – I have never cooked for her, but have regularly been cooked for by her. I feel bad about this and will wow her with my 1950’s style house wiffery skills in the kitchen.

Rich Autumnal shades are SO this season. Look for soft easy-to-wear pieces in satin, velvet or suede.

Justify my Topshop Love
I’m having enough trouble justifying food this month I’m that skint - I need to find a clever way around this!

Get my hands on a “Style-statement” cuff
I have one I bought 11 years ago from the Jewellery design course at my uni. It’s about time this had a revival as its LOVELY.

Slink into Autumn with a fluid, feminine take on the Grecian theme??!!
It may have to by a headdress of Ivy nicked from my mum’s garden looking at my poor bank statement

Studs are everywhere, give an outfit an urban edge with some fierce footwear.
I still need to wear my snake skin shoobs somewhere. I have a hen night coming up at the Lady’s – I think an indoor maiden voyage may be best for these beauties. I need to add some studs to them somehow though – I’ll have to get creative.

French Lady Look: Complete the look with a necklace, some gloves, a belt, courts an elegant bag.
I own all of these – But somehow, wearing a skater belt with some mittens on a string that my mum knitted for me when I was 23 (Yes – that’s right.. 23 – and I have no shame as I love the) will shout more “Escaped” than French lady

Tough Bohemian: Think floaty prints with leather, suede or classic suiting.
Hmm so all this would require is a floaty print dress – I wonder if this could also fulfil the rich autumn shades as per above?

Masculine / Feminine: Apparently there is nothing sexier than a woman dressed in men’s tailoring.
Unless that woman has hips and tits and muffin tops over the men’s tailoring! My shape follows that of a woman – not a prepubescent boy unfortunately, and so I’d be rocking the “Canal Street Chic” look, rather than “model that can wear fucking anything including a bin liner” look

Superhero shoulders
Powerup in the catwalk trend that has A-listers going for bold.
Credit crunch – May have to sew sanitary towel into the shoulders of my new Crombie jacket to achieve this look!

Trends for less:
Uptown Lux
Bubblegum Glamour
Disco Chic
One of these looks requires just a pair of Pink tights. I think I can live with that!

Touch Enough: Bring some sex to the city with a figure hugging dress, lashings of leather and a serious attitude.
If I could muster a serious attitude, I wouldn’t be sat here writing this blog, publically announcing that I’ve had a colonic, chasing people down the street who are 100 meters in front and spending my summer with a minnow called Flipper!

Read article on how to dress for my shape
Hopefully this cancels out the male tailoring as I don’t look like an ironing board when naked. More a well loved lump of play dough.

See Michelle Obama’s top ten fashion moments at
Go go Michelle O!

Michelle Obama’s tips for being universally loved

1. Curb your inner toddler, pass on tips, introduce friends to each other and see your popularity sore.
2. Weave personal anecdotes into your argument. This helps win people over and makes your point without being boring.
3. When faces with a daunting social event, research something of interest to the people you’ll meet so you can focus on putting them at their ease.
4. Schedule intimacy.
5. Understand what works for your shape.
6. We can all benefit from focusing on strengths in any given situation, rather than apologising for the bits that don’t fit.
7. Being tactile can be an advantage, just don’t go over the top. Keep my touch light using subtle gestures.
8. Think of challenges and obstacles you can have fun overcoming.

I shall apply all of these tips on one day and see if, by the end of the day I am indeed loved by the entire universe.

Next time I reach for chocolate, pause and ask myself: “What is this all about?”
I’ll get sick of hearing “What is this all about?” then. Surely the answer is simple? “This is about me.. eating that fucking huge bar of chocolate!”

The rules of living together
Buy 2 tellies – done
But only one bed – done
Hire a cleaner – Mum… do you fancy earning some pennies?
Don’t eat his food – His food? He’s not a dog, we tend to share the food. I think this means off his plate and his size portions. Damn damn damn!
Be clear about what I want – I always have been, clean ears, no debt and a roll in the hay on the Sabbath! Can’t be much clearer than that now can I – everything else is a bonus.

Set alarm half an hour early in the morning to get him before he goes to work. – This sound’s like he hasn’t much choice in the matter, plus I’m not a fan of death breath in the morning – so maybe I can build in an extra 5 minutes for teeth cleaning – oh the romance!
Give myself a hand (get myself off in front of him) - *blush*
Watch a scary movie together - Husband tried to woo me on one of our first dates with the a video (yes – one of those prehistoric things!) of Event Horizon, I ended up sleeping with him just to get away from the film. So this could actually work. If you haven’t seen Event Horizon, it’s one of the most horrible films ever ever!

Put on some porn - I’ve tried this before, but I’ve either ended up laughing, or cocking my head to one side wide eyed in disbelief at the sheer seemingly technical impossibilities of some of the positions.

Give him a massage - Maybe I could do this while he is in the bath so he gets a good scrub too. Multi tasking turns me on!

Talk dirty - “Yeah you filthy little scumbag of a husband, I’m going to rub turds in your face and make you drink tea through a gusset” I may need some tips of you guys here – I always feel like an idiot trying to talk dirty. I’d rather keep it British and comment on the weather.

Follow the panadol packing guide on page 169 when packing for a break away.

Boost my lip colour. 80s inspired neon lip colours. – The Pink lippy may be making a come back for this month then. Bugger.

Wear shimmer for a day – I shall go to work looking like a disco ball.

Be bold with colour - This refers to coloured mascara. I have some great electric blue mascara I won from Yves St Laurent, so I will be getting this out this month.

Treat my hair to a weekly treatment. – Will do!

Use a sharp Kohl pencil to draw on eyeliner before a liquid eyeliner. It’s all about the exaggerated flick. – I love wearing liquid eyeliner, but always forget and look like I’ve been punched in the face by 11 am.

Put foundation on lips before lipstick. Using a lip brush for precision. – I’m sure this tip has been around since I was reading Mizz and Sugar, and you end up with a nice sand bank of lipstick and foundation lined around your mush after a while. Maybe I wasn’t doing it right. I’ll give it a go.

Use shading and lightening to bring areas of the face forward or make them recede.
Be bold – play around with pigments and feel free to bring the colour right up to the brow bone for that classic 80s feel. The key is to carry it off with confidence.
This could either be the makeup tip of the century, or I’ll look like one of the tangerine queens behind certain makeup counters in boots.

Think braids. At lacroix, a topknot was paired with plaits for a look that Malcolm Edwards called ‘Parisian Chic meets hip-hop with cornrows’
Riiiiight that old fusion! I might have to get the hair dresser to do this for me, I have enough trouble with a ponytail.

Make waves with a celebrity style that’s perfect for long locks.
It won’t work, I won’t be able to achieve 40’s waves without a professional spending hours combing out the pot noodle that is there to begin with.

Have a complementary YSL perfect touch foundation consultation.
I did this and bought it – because I am a fool and was sucked in by the orange tentacle lady on the counter that slapped it on my face and baffled me with bollocks technology. It’s a foundation, not a bloody jet engine!

5 things I must not miss

Bestival: Sep 11th – 13th – This will have to be a telly job

Breakfast at Tiffany’s September 9th – Jan 9th, I’ve asked the Lady and she is up for seeing this.

Cancer research Handbag Amnesty 1st – 31st September. I don’t know If any of my handbags are posh enough.

Angels of Anarchy: Women Artists and Surrealism, Manchester art gallery Sep 26th – Jan 10th.
Milnoids had agreed to come with me to this one lunch time.

London Fashion Week: Sep 18th – 22
The Stylist is working this, so although its unlikely I will be able to get down to see it, I will get all the gossip and first hand accounts from her.

Choose a book from the reviewed book list and read.
I still need to finish Dorian Grey – eek!

Watch Broken Embraces at the corner house.
Nursey! If you are reading this will you come with me again?

Listen to Witney Houston, I look to You.
Okey Doke.

Watch Material Girl on BBC1
Don’t miss Running in heals E!
Gunrush ITV
Harpers Island BBC3
Trinity ITV2

Create a Kleenex cube

Mercury recons that now is the time to ask for a pay rise or call in debts. Much as you hate having to beg, needs must. Hopefully, you’ll then be able to make the most of the not inexpensive social opportunities offered by Venus.